by Tamara G. Saliva
Lets play the blame game,
take trips with guilt and cry over spilt milk.
Lets close our eyes after walking in with our eyes open,
forget about love,
allow hate to defeat us.
Lets regret beautiful moments in the past.
Lets allow anger to consume us,
so much so that the silence is heard within the cries.
So lets erase each other from each others paths but the marks that stain will always remind us.
It is as if the days pass and the time from then are black spots in the memory bin because you spend your days trying to erase the unforgettable.
I in turn spend my days trying to forget you.
Trying to find my way out of the loss that was your capture.
I ride the rollercoaster that is the emotions of getting over you,
Yet I still find myself trapped under all that is you.
See the memory that fades you stays here within me.
I run into the end of empty bottles,
in search for the amnesia of you
but to no avail my heart still returns to the eye of my mind to retrieve the images of original moments that consumed us both.
Now, in the present day, the ache has driven us into separate rooms and sometimes the pain is so loud it drowns out the sounds of laughter.
You have written the ending of this chapter
you gave it all back
took it all away.
I sit in front of this mirror to argue with the reflection
that looks like me,
sounds like me,
moves like me yet this reflection is
but a distant memory because I don’t even see me.
I’m trapped in this deception called Love.
This destruction has taken hold, has taken its toll,
I’m defenseless to your stare,
with no response to your cold hello’s.
You’re angry and it angers me too.
We lost so much in such little time,
you condemn me for loving you for causing you mutual conditions that places me in this rendition of desolation.
Its easier to see what’s wrong.
Its easier to run,
Its easier to hide,
then to stay, then to face it.
So save face,
take your space,
when the tough got going, you just got going.
You’re better at abandoning, then fighting,
You’re better at leaving, then staying,
You shut down, you shut out. It’s just what you do!
I’m better at the chasing, and the calling,
I feel and express,
I stay for the fixing of the disarray.
I will sustain this, find my way
I won’t be the same after these days.
You accuse me of continuing life as if life would stop!
What kind of continuance is this?
I’m not half the person used to be,
Yes, I know, I do know you’re not either!
So don’t let this attempt to smile fool you,
its just a role I play to go with the things I say in the movie that is my life.
Behind the scenes there isn’t an expression that could give you an understanding of what this ending has done.
©Tamara G. Saliva
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